State of Mind

It's a state of mind I am in.
It must be. It should be.
It's like an ethereal absence I feel.
Where did it all go? What to do now?

I'm the leaf drifting endlessly - you the breeze.

It's a state of mind I am in.
It has to be. It must be.
My eyes are stranded.
Where do I look? Where do I go?

I am an empty vase at the entrance of your heart.

What must I do? What has to be done?
My tongue is locked.
This has to be. This must be.
It's a state of mine I am in.

I'm the pebble run over with your love.

Sept. 6, 2007

Ulterior Motives

I looked at her lying still besides me. Her chest moved with every breath. Fast asleep. I can’t sleep. I move a strand of hair from her face; the dark black curls wrap my fingers. Her milky white skin is inviting me to kiss her. I long to see her eyes; I wish to immerse myself in them. Even when she spoke I would be lost in her eyes, lost in the depth of them. Her nakedness did not call me any longer. I wanted to see her eyes once more. I had stared into them the whole time. Even as she squirmed and screamed with pleasure, I had only been captivated by her eyes.

Now, I longed for them once more. I wanted them.

I kissed her mouth and kept my eyes open. I awaited. She smiled and there they were. Her arms wrapped around me and she pulled me close to her. I held myself over her. A tiny freckle on her right cheek welcomed me. I knew what she wanted. I did not dare blink to not miss a moment. I felt myself get lost in her sky blue eyes. I never blinked. Even as she squirmed and screamed with pleasure.

Waltz at Window

I stared at the windowsill. I observed the broken, battered wooden frame of the window. A sparkling diamond seemed to shine from it. I pressed it and rubbed it about; a clean spot in the dusty windowsill. So many years of my life and all I had left was this window. This frame. This dust. This glass. This broken wood.

I felt the grooves of wood at my fingertips. I examined it, shifting my empty glance upward. I caught a glimpse at my reflection. The beard stubs mix-matching between pitch black and white. A blink-less stare. A lost expression.

I pushed the window up. I felt a calm, soothing breeze lash against my face. I felt my hair dance in the wind. If only I could feel as it felt. I felt nothing. The wind waltzed. I swallowed.

I stared at the broken frame and gripped it. My hair danced to and fro. If only I could feel as it felt.

existential depression

i can't take this
it brakes, it halts
a constant juggle
tears of ...
are these tears?

why doesn't it ever stop?
a lack of existence, presides
where do i begin?
where do i end?
does it begin? does it end?

life as an exposed film
life as a scratched record

life?

q error

el error más grande que cometemos es querer que los otros sean como nosotros queremos que sean, no como ellos son de verdad. creemos que nuestros problemas sobrepasan de importancia aquellos problemas de otros. nos enfocamos en nosotros mismos y nos olvidamos de la existencia de otros y de sus problemas. nos olvidamos.

... pfft ...

nos hacemos de la vista gorda!

que idiotez la de nosotros de seguir viviendo como egoístas. nos decoramos y nos ponemos para que todos nos vean. que vean nuestras labores, nuestras labores TAN generosas. bahhh ¿cómo podemos ser tan generosos si somos tan egoístas?

la perfección no existe. solamente podemos buscar la perfección dentro de la imperfección.

que error que todos cometemos o, por lo menos, hemos cometido... que cuando nos damos cuenta de lo que hemos hecho ya es tan tarde. que error. que idiotez la de nosotros!

inspired by "El Lado Oscuro del Corazón"

u'd never understand

what is it with this crude, material world in which we live in? why must it all be a material gain! everything has to be named, separated, tagged, measured, and announced! why must our achievements be visible and tangible? no! i speak of a higher level of achievement, a feat that elevates us to the spiritual realm. i seek an conquest of the mind, of the heart, of the spirit. that which i seek cannot be seen with your materialistic eyes, cannot be felt with your brute hands, or devoured with your glutton mouth.

search for a truth

we search for a truth that we know not exists, even if we were to see it, to grasp it in our own hands, we would not know it. such fear i feel that we might have stumbled upon this truth, this treasure, this secret and have dismissed it.

would man be ready for it?
could we assimilate such a thing?
would it change us?

God! imagine having found it and not being able to tell it?

... this truth ...
if it were to exist, maybe it'd best be kept untold

what is what isn't

how to differentiate what is and what isn't.
to know what will engulf us with warmth
or what shall pierce through us

a bad choice could lead to conditioning of the mind,
a conditioning which leads to
fear, anger, and constant jealousy

how can i know what is and what isn't,
an imaginary blindfold holds me euphoric
while the world crumbles around me
a warm shroud covers me and i'm fooled

how can one know what is and what isn't?

to abdicate

i give up!
i relinquish all of me,
i give in to your soul.
i waive my heart to you
and yield all my emotions with it!

Ah! to surrender to another kiss,
to another embrace.
who wouldn't renounce themselves for it?
i give up a thousand times over

breathe love

A locket of brown golden curls, entwined in my stone grip. The brushing of my lips against your plush skin. The journey upwards towards your succulent mouth.

I breathe love for you.

The emptiness of the sound. The roar of the silence. An absence of plight. There are no puzzles in my life, as I lay beside you.

I breathe love for you.

A gentle squeeze, significant to my embrace. A simple thought crossing the neurons of my brain - “You are at home here.” I need no more, but you.

I breathe love for you.